Thursday, July 5, 2012

My personal hell.

I swore I wasn't going to whine about the heat.
I have been broken by the heat. I am going to break my promise.
I apologize for offending anyone with that sentiment, but what I really want to say is much much worse.
Back when decided to let Keebles play travel softball, I knew we had a tournament the weekend after the Fourth of July. I have lived in Illinois for 24 years now and I ain't no dummy. I knew this tournament was going to be hot. I have been mentally preparing Keebles for the fact that it was going to be a scorcher since March.
I had no idea.
Apparently, I did something to piss Mother Nature off. She decided that she would show me HOT.
Day one, it was 101. Keebles is the catcher and she has all of that gear and that mask. I was worried about her, but she got through it. I can't say the same about the home plate umpire, who was white as a sheet and disoriented. She was taken away in a golf cart. I am happy to report that she is fine.
Tomorrow is supposed to be 104. Saturday is now forecast to be 106. What the hell?
No, exactly, this is hell.
Some of you enjoy this weather. I like it chilly. I like to pile on the sweatshirts and blankets. I like to snuggle. I am a quarter Swede for crying out loud. Does even get above freezing in Sweden?
As for hot weather, I hate it. I can't possibly get naked enough to cool off. I don't want anyone to touch me. I smell. Sweat runs down my back and pools in my, well, you get the picture.
So, on a miserably hot day, what do I do? Suggest my most-favorite pizza place in the world for a team dinner. Now, mind you, I have never actually eaten there. All through college, I always ordered carry-out from Del Carmen's. J and I would get a 16" double decker and it would feed us for the weekend. We show up with twenty people at the actual restaurant and it's this small little place with barely-there air-conditioning. I look at the other parents on the team and they are looking at me like, "Seriously, Shannon?" Cue the pounding heart and panic! But the service was friendly and fast and the pizza was to die for, so I dodged that bullet. Whew!
Now off to sleep in the sweet, sweet, air-conditioning before sweltering again tomorrow.
Maybe I should move to Antarctica.

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